Amorous Spotted Slug Sightings

     I was driving home on a misty evening when I saw it. There in the wash of my headlights, oblivious to the rain, sat an Amorous Spotted Slug. Like all Yoopers, I had heard tales of Amorous Spotted Slugs, but logic and common sense had cast doubt upon their existence. I slammed on my brakes and forced my car into a skid, hoping this would generate sufficient time for the Amorous Spotted Slug to scamper away from my approaching tires, but it held its ground with that classic “slug in the headlights” look. The Amorous Spotted Slug was waving a small brown object as if to draw my attention and then it disappeared under my chassis before I could discern the nature of its petition.
    After my vehicle skidded to a stop, I dashed back to where I had last seen the Amorous Spotted Slug. hoping it had somehow eluded my tires. But all that remained of the Amorous Spotted Slug was a streak of slime next to a small brown parcel. Using tweezers from the glove box, I carefully retrieved the object. It appeared to be a small book—no, a journal. According to legend, Amorous Spotted Slugs are clairvoyant and capable of foreseeing future events. Was the Amorous Spotted Slug warning me of some cataclysmic future event? The Amorous Spotted Slug. had given its life while proffering the wisdom of the journal’s contents. It was imperative that I continue the Amorous Spotted Slug’s mission and convey its knowledge to the world. I returned home and, with the aid of a microscope, painstakingly transcribed the contents of the Amorous Spotted Slug’s journal into the Cold Turkey Manuscript.

     There have been many rumors of an Amorous Spotted Slug colony in Marquette’s Presque Isle Park. Since Amorous Spotted Slugs are nocturnal, they don’t always make their presence known. The park caretaker has encountered streaks of slime on the pavilion floor, suggestive of wild, nocturnal slug parties. To confirm their presence in the park, I placed a digital camera at slug level beside a slimy trail. I attached a trip wire to a small pasty morsel (one of their favorite foods). Amorous Spotted Slugs are very sensitive to light, so I knew I couldn’t use flash; I had to use ambient light. When I checked the camera the following morning, the pasty morsel was gone and something had tripped the camera. I hurried home and printed the picture. When I viewed the jet-black image with night-vision goggles I saw a yellow slug with heart-shaped, red spots staring back at me. It was an Amorous Spotted Slug!

                    Amorous Spotted Slugs Spotted on Beach
                                       (January 24, 2013)

     Yesterday evening at approximately 9:33 pm. a group of Amorous Spotted Slugs were sighted on the south shore of Grand Island. While snow camping on Murray Bay, Chocolay Township residents, Ted and Mitzi Pendleton spotted a plethora of the A.S.S.s on the hill above their campfire. The couple was searching for firewood in the nearby woods when they spotted the slugs.
    "There is no doubt in my mind Mitzi and I saw the rare slugs. Their yellow bodies and red heart-shaped spots were clearly visible in the firelight," Ted reported. The Pendleton's witnessed the A.S.S.s slow dancing in the shadows cast by the firelight. Although most of the A.S.S.s were bare, a few adorned formal wear. "It was a real 'slug fest'," Mitzi told the Valley News.
     According to a local scientist, "The Amorous Spotted Slugs are known to be quite veracious party animals." The Pendleton's theorized the A.S.S.s ventured to Grand Island over the winter ice on Munising Bay. The slug community became trapped on the island when open water returned to Lake Superior last spring. Boaters, campers and island visitors are encouraged to leave fudge and bits of pasties near the shoreline to enhance Amorous Spotted Slug habitat and promote permanent residency on the island.

Gretchen Preston
Valley News Reporter

     I live a mile and a half from Fayette Historic State Park, home of the extremely rare landsnail, Midwest Pleistocene vertigo, also known as Vertigo hubrichti (Pilsbry, 1934). This snail lives on vertical cliffs and I had made up my mind to go hunting for the orange-shelled creature one Saturday evening in July 2012. Since the cliffs themselves had been closed to visitors because of the rare snail, I decided to inspect the area atop the bluff bordering Snail Shell Harbor. Before you jump to any conclusions, let me make one thing perfectly clear: Snail Shell Harbor was not named for Vertigo hubrichti (Pilsbry, 1934). The harbor was named back in the 1800s for its resemblance to the spiral shape of a snail’s shell. All the fuss over this rare landsnail discovery at Fayette occurred only recently. But I digress.
      So there I was, on hands and knees near the very edge of the 200-foot-high bluff searching through deciduous mulch with a magnifying glass, when a most unexpected discovery occurred. I uncovered a gathering of small, safety-yellow-colored slugs with tiny red heart-shaped spots. I had no idea such creatures existed. They seemed to be moving together in pairs to some unheard slow rhythm, dancing as if on a ballroom floor. Slime was everywhere.
      Since I was not looking for slugs, I carefully covered them again and continued my snail search until full darkness set in. At home, I googled “yellow slug with red spots” and discovered that I had been treated to a sighting of the Amorous Spotted Slug, a rare creature indeed, even more rare than the Vertigo hubrichti (Pilsbry, 1934). I was dismayed to learn that another report of a sighting stated that all Yoopers had heard of this creature, yet I had been oblivious. I blame that on the fact that I’ve only been a Yooper for some nine-plus years, and have been without a television signal since the switch from analog to digital, thus missing all local news reports and every good thing that could ever come of watching educational television on WNMU-TV. But now I know. The amorous spotted slug is commonly known to Yoopers yet rarely seen by them. And to think that I, a mere Loper transplant, had the privilege to find them!